Drinking Report

Last night first things first, we went to the Furze Wren, a nice little pub with some pretty barmaid who always races to serve me (it's because I stare intently at her and make conversation so she wants me to sit down quickly).

I drank one beer in there, and then Kels decided she wanted to buy some dress or something, so went to the shop. The men stayed in the pub for a little while to finish our drinks and then went out to smoke and to retrieve Kelly. Eventually we found her, she'd been to HMV to buy Buffy Season 2, instead of a dress as she are previously claimed. Thus proving, all women are compulsive liars.

After that, we went to the Wrong 'Un, which is alway packed on a Thursday with the hipster/scene kids or whatever they're called that go over to Club Sushi, which is a terrible little place full of hipster/scene dicks.

So, we have another beer, then decide to go over to Sushi, because Ollie won't shut the fuck up about it. A side note - as I went to the cash machine to withdraw a little money, a saw a man standing facing out of an alley taking a piss. Luckily, I averted my eyes before I was really scarred.

So, we go Sushi and find out that Ollie apparently hates the place, he only goes there because they have a good beer garden he can smoke in, and to remind himself how much he hates the place. Apparently. He is also proved a liar, when immediately he starts dancing and really enjoying himself. Can't trust the Chinese either.

On the note of his being Chinese, it was also pointed out he has more to his eyelids than Nathan, which is weird, because Nath isn't Chinese.

Anyway, so we had a few drinks (thanks for those shots, Kel!) and I realised that basically everybody in there was exactly the same people from when I had last been there 3 years ago. Had more drinks to help this fact, before Nathan and Kelly needed to go to the Cash Machine again. Did so, saw Phil heading to Sushi. Unsurprising. He was there 3 years ago too.

Got back from ATM, and Nathans ID didn't scan in properly, so our Anderson lookalike of a bouncer manhandles him out the door, and since Nathan drops a tenner somewhere, and isn't allowed to pick it up, he struggles back and eventually is held against the railings, being half choked as the bouncer summons the police. We get the tenner back.

Basically, whilst this was all happening, I was slowly rolling a cigarette with a look about me that says "This guy is hardcore, once this cigarette is done rolling, you are well done for"

The police obviously don't give a fuck about anything that's gone on, so we move onto the Kings arms, where we spend the rest of the evening in peaceful drinking and in my case wondering whether being fit is a job requirement for barmaids, or i'm just attracted to women who give me alcohol.

Alright, Fuck it. (Where have I been + Dublin Day One)

Okay, i've been having some little shits go on at me about making a new blog post recently so I have decided after an appropriate amount of Alcohol it is time for me to so (An appropriate amount for blogging is three pints - any more and my grammar would decline in quality)

Anyway people, what has been going on with my life lately? Well, firstly, I lost my job, secondly, I went to Dublin over new year and thirdly I slept with an American so I can now tick that country off of my list of nationalities I wish to sleep with (which consists of every country with at least one white person)

I guess I should go more into detail about Dublin though, since that is the most interesting of the three events. How to start... Well, I went there with Nathan, Kelly and Maria. The first two, being "A couple" or whatever that shit means stayed in a hotel together but Maria and myself, wisely being single beings decided to stay in a hostel, an experience I would recommend to anyone.

The first day of getting there, after a completely minging 12 hour coach journey, Maria and myself did the first thing anyone would do after signing into their temporary place of residence. We had sex. No, that was a lie, though Maria is blatantly gagging for a bit of the D-Train by this point. No, of course first thing we did was go entirely crazy and hide under other peoples beds taking pictures of each other. I also had the foresight to hide in the shower, unfortunately no innocent women turned up naked in order to shower. Insert sadface here. After Maria had finished her temporary bought of insanity (Loyal readers will know this is not a temporary thing for me) we decided it was best to "get the beers in" as the Irish Aboriginals say.

So we got the beers, and then had a sensible glass of wine, looking deeply into each others eyes... I go off topic. We went out for a cigarette and met an absolutely charming fellow named Sven, he was a lover geezer, but don't forget he's from Sweden... er Switzerland. Yes, we met him and then got more beers in and who doth appear but Nathan and Kelly, expecting us to socialise with them. Rather reluctantly, of course, we do so.

So we're sitting around, drinking and then like and suddenly realise than Sven is disturbingly lightweighted. We got over this fact, as Maria decided to get down to her old trick of lying constantly and persuading Sven that she was a Ballerina/Dancer/Singer/Daughter of Pete Townsend from 'The Who' a popular band. This goes as well as expected (very well) and we also manage to persuade Sven that I am a professional cage fighter (I certainly have the build!) and that Nathan is a former Man United Under-21s player.

We go out, we conquer, Maria and myself take to calling ourselves Esmerelda and François respectively. We joke about Chundering everywhere at which point Sven believes we are mocking him. MOCKING HIM! Bloody Swiss, they don't get anything. Nevertheless, he pissed off to find his own friends. At this point, after a couple of drinks, Esmerelda and Myself have decided to stop talking about Peru and are in fact singing "You're so Vain" a popular song. Shockingly, I say SHOCKINGLY! This exact song comes on in a nearby bar, so we are fated to visit it. We do so, and I get a Guinness, and level up for doing so.

So there we are the four of us drinking in a bar, when once again Esmerelda feels the desire for a cigarette and to lie to yet more strangers. Well, i'm not sure if she has an urge to do so, but she does so anyway! We are outside and a drunk tramp approaches us, who is soon shooed away by the bouncer to be replaced by a fellow from New Zealand, who immediatly tries to get into Esmereldas pants without even buying her a drink. Alarmed by these events and sensing the obvious distress caused by a lack of Alcohol, I intervene and suggest we go inside. This Kiwi, then asks whether I am "courting" Esmerelda, or "pursuing" her. Absolutely charmed by his manner of speak I tell him that no I am not, but he can fuck off anyway and we go into the bar, never to see him again.

At this point, we decide it is time to go home, so we get burning hot Pizzas (I love the taste of my tongue melting) and find our way home by navigating ourselves to the giant shaft (hehe, shaft) which dominates dublins skyline.

Faretheewell, tomorrow perhaps more of our adventures.